Most of us know someone or have a friend who, after enjoying a meal or drinks together, when the bill is presented, their money and credit cards are at home.
A good friend — he is a Scot (I added that for dramatic effect!) — has a great solution for this sometimes awkward situation. With all his friends, he makes it clear, that if you don’t have any money on you, you declare it beforehand. There is no shame to admitting this, so long as it is done upfront. This gives everyone the heads-up on what the situation is. We now know and agree to pick up his part of the bill. It also allows the person without money the dignity of not having to fake the Macarena in search of their wallet when the bill arrives!
Although the solution works well, it isn’t without risk. Declaring oneself means you are momentarily making yourself vulnerable. Relief only comes from the friend accepting the declaration. It is by their ‘grace’ that they agree to pick up your part of the bill.
What if we were to incorporate a declaration into our opening statements when we meet for the first time?
We might declare, ‘I am weary of people that look/sound/behave like you.’
Or, “I have ingrained prejudices that might offend you.”
A heads-up on our biases, ego or other short-comings, would allow the other person the right to either accept — and ignore — our faults, or choose not to engage further.
But what if we were to change it from a declaration of weakness, to a statement of intention and purpose?
“I declare I have many short-comings. But, I am willing to listen, learn, and be open to opinions and views that challenge my own. I wish to seek out human connection, to bring kindness and generosity to those I meet, especially the vulnerable — the sick, the elderly, the poor — mostly the children.”
Declaring yourself, creates a climate of understanding, where trust is implicit and friendship blossoms.
Have you thought what your declaration might be?
Please share yours — I’d love to hear it.
Originally published at https://www.leapfirst.co.za on July 8, 2020.
