It’s only when we’re forced to change a long-held belief in the face of overwhelming new evidence that we realise how challenging change can be.
If you’ve ever tried to change an ingrained belief, behaviour, or aspect of your personality, you know how resistant the mind can be. We tend to cling to the familiar, avoiding change at all costs to protect the status quo. The potential risks of trying something new often outweigh the excitement of learning and growing. Rather than embracing change, we hide from it, afraid of vulnerability or ridicule.
After three years as a student civil engineer, I joined my best friend’s business. Despite having managed smaller businesses, I was fortunate to be fast-tracked into corporate management early in my career. I later became a life insurance agent and was soon asked to help launch the medical insurance division for a large insurance company. The parent company provided actuarially sound products, and a small team of four young men and a woman was assembled under the leadership of a well-respected ex-banker, brought out of retirement for this role.
We were appointed as branch managers, tasked with recruiting, developing, and retaining salespeople to sell our medical insurance products. Each manager had to build a team of 20 to 30 salespeople. As part of a 1,500-employee organisation, we had access to extensive training and development opportunities. Our manager, with his passion for people development, sent us on every available leadership course. This commitment to growth became one of the company’s core values, benefiting me greatly over the years.
It was during one of these leadership courses that a pivotal question arose:
“What can I do better?”
At the time, I had about 20 salespeople — men and women of all ages and backgrounds — in my branch. I needed to know where I could improve as a manager and leader. So, I typed the question at the top of a page, leaving 30 blank lines for responses. I presented the idea to my manager. His response was memorable:
“Be careful what you ask. You might not like what you hear.”
I knew I was opening a can of worms and might receive a barrage of criticism. I would need to humble myself, remain open to the feedback, and show nothing but gratitude for the opportunity to grow. Emotional maturity was required from both sides. Although the responses were anonymous, I created a safe space for people to be honest and open.
Since then, I’ve used this question repeatedly in my career, always with fantastic results. It has kept me open to the possibility of being wrong and has helped me stay in “listen mode.” Asking the question is only half the battle; I’ve had to make adjustments, even shedding old habits, to adopt new leadership skills that served me better. This single question has taught me more about leadership and motivation than any course or diploma.
I’ve applied this question to my personal life too. Whether it’s in my relationships, daily interactions, as a father, grandfather, passenger, or customer, I try to find ways to improve. I ask with humility, always open to hearing and accepting alternative viewpoints.
The real skill lies in receiving feedback without judgment or emotion — and then acting on it. Often, issues can be resolved with small adjustments. Other times, deeper habits and characteristics take more time and effort to change. But by doing so, you’ll not only grow as a person, but your leadership style will become more compelling and attractive to those around you. Even today, I continue to ask the question. Regardless of the answer — good or bad — it helps me become a better version of myself.
Have a great weekend and remember to be generous! 😄
As always, thanks for reading. 🙏
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