The pursuit of happiness is perhaps the cornerstone of a fulfilled life. Yet, what constitutes a fulfilled life for one person may differ vastly for another. Our diverse circumstances — such as the time and place of our birth, our parents, their ability to provide a stable home, and our upbringing, including the influence of siblings, family, friends, environment, and education — significantly shape our capacity for happiness.
I was born into a Calvinistic home where success and material wealth were viewed with suspicion, almost as though they were unholy. I was raised with the understanding that “by the sweat of your brow, you will earn your keep.” Both my parents held lifelong jobs — my dad was an aircraft technician at South African Airways, and my mom was a nursing sister. Together, they raised four children with minimal material or emotional hardship.
Having loving parents and a stable home is more than half the battle won in one’s search for happiness. I was fortunate to grow up in a privileged environment where food, clothing, and shelter were never in question. We weren’t spoiled as children; we wore homemade clothes and had few toys, but we never lacked in any essential way. During these formative years, my life was filled with joy and happiness.
My first memory of real heartache came when I was six or seven years old. My childhood dog was run over by our neighbour right in front of our house. I witnessed the entire horrific incident. Under a small tree in our garden, I held my dog in my lap until he stopped breathing. I cried so hard that I thought I would never stop. That was my first encounter with death and the grief that followed. Later, one of my dad’s sisters — a favourite aunt — died in a head-on collision. My dad’s other sister, who was driving, survived but with severe injuries.
When my grandfather on my mom’s side passed away, and my grandmother followed sometime later, I felt a profound sense of loss. As a young boy, they had been instrumental in nurturing a loving and caring relationship, and their absence left a void. I remember my mom often crying in the days and weeks after their funerals. We tried to comfort her, but she was distraught with grief for a long time. Yet in her struggle for answers, she managed to console and carry the rest of us through the trauma. When someone you love dies, happiness seems a distant memory.
While dealing with death is perhaps the most intense form of unhappiness, other life events also bring heartache and sadness. After completing two years of national service, I developed depression, which has plagued me ever since. I dropped out of college after three years of studying civil engineering and had to repay my bursary. I’ve had cars stolen and been involved in numerous car and motorbike accidents. When I was 30, my business partner fled to Australia, leaving me with a massive debt. For most of my adult life, I was blacklisted because of that one event.
The breakup of a marriage is never easy, especially when children are involved. I loved my ex-wife with every molecule and atom of my being. However, the strain of losing the business and the debt that followed soured our relationship. I went off the rails for a time, turning to alcohol and later drugs. I eventually checked into a rehabilitation centre and filed for divorce. As necessary as the divorce was, it left me feeling hurt and betrayed. I longed for my kids to be with me permanently.
In my career, I’ve experienced betrayal from a company CEO who turned on me after ten years of service, leading to my constructive dismissal. I’ve worked with bullies and toxic colleagues who made my life hell at work. I’ve shed many tears over unjust and unfair treatment from people in authority. Whether emotionally or physically, I’ve had my share of unhappy moments. Perhaps not as many as others, but enough to appreciate the value of happiness.
Looking back on the hardships and unhappy moments that have dotted my 60 years, I’ve come to realise that life is not all about struggle and strife. I have less now than I ever have, yet I am happier than I’ve ever been.
Since we opened our little pie shop last October, we’ve managed to grow the business steadily. Recently, a large retail pharmacy opened next door, bringing increased foot traffic. Everything bodes well for our little enterprise! I live on the same property as my Son and his family. He and his wife live in the main house with my six-year-old Grandson and five-month-old Granddaughter. My Daughter also lives on the property, in the cottage next to mine. Every day, I get to see the people I love most. My children and grandchildren are my life’s purpose and meaning.
Happiness personified.
In one of my favourite talks from 1993, John R. Powers concludes with what life is truly about in Even Sparrows Soar:
“Life is about spending time with the people you love and doing what you love… that’s it!
There is no more!
That is happiness, and we all deserve it!”
Have a great weekend and please remember to be generous! 😄
As always, thanks for reading. 🙏
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