“Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.”
~ John Callahan
Birds do it. Bees do it. All animals do it. So, let’s talk about sex.
My Parents raised us four kids in a home where sex was hardly ever discussed. Coming from a conservative Afrikaans upbringing themselves, my parents did as well as they could. To be sure, I didn’t do much better with my children either. Although I know better now, thanks to research conducted over many years. Studies confirm talking about sex to a child helps them make informed and responsible sexual decisions later in their lives.
The first person I had sex with was my ex-wife. I was 21 years old. I held out to “save” myself for “the” one. As I saw it, I was doing as I was taught growing up and as God had instructed us to do. Surely, He will reward me with a perfect wife? We’d love each other like I saw my Dad and Mom love each other. They were married for 60 years until my Dad died. That’s how couples loved back then — for keeps.
There was only one friend in our neighbourhood I can remember whose parents got divorced. His parents had been married for 17 years. I can remember our group of friends discussing it in hushed voices. It was considered shameful breaking apart a family. Even then, I thought to myself, “But, after 17 years… it should be easy sailing from there?”
Almost 20 years ago, I got divorced after 17 years of marriage.
I was faithful throughout our marriage so sexually all I knew was from being with my ex-wife. I’d been divorced six months when I met a lady that I knew through friends. We started dating and our relationship developed to us becoming romantically intimate. It was clear from the outset that whatever I had known or experienced is not what or how other loving couples are doing it.
Our relationship ended after some time. But fortunately, I soon started dating again. And a pattern emerged. I’d meet a lady. We’d be together for a while, then start dating. Then we’d become intimate. And, after some time for whatever reason, the relationship would end.
The pattern of regular dating stopped — not on purpose — about 7 years ago. During the years where I was dating, I met the most awesome women. They each helped me learn what I’d been missing out on. The beauty of making love — having sex. I’d been liberated from years of indoctrination and shaming. Sex is not something dirty and taboo.
There are few things more beautiful and natural than being intimate with someone you love.
Having the benefit of hindsight, I have changed my view on sex and sex education. I’ve learned there is a healthy, balanced way to approach being intimate in a consenting adult relationship. Given this overwhelming evidence of the benefits of talking about sex, especially with children, will provide the foundation for a lifelong joy of sex in their adult lives.
Have an awesome weekend and please remember to be generous! 😄
As always, thanks for reading 🙏
PS — As children without proper guidance, our view of our body, our genitals, our gender, our sexual differences — our view of sex — can become distorted and confusing. Sex Ed Rescue, is a site dedicated to helping parents navigate the tricky waters of sex education. If you haven’t had the courage to have “the talk” here’s 13 really good reasons to talk to your child about sex, by Cath Hakanson.
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