A series of events led to an existential crisis, leaving me contemplating the meaning of life.
For some time, I felt low and gloomy, struggling to pinpoint the cause. At first, no clear image emerged — just a persistent anxiety without any obvious source. I feared I was losing my mind. The discomfort and uneasiness lingered, yet I pressed on, praying, reading, researching, and reflecting, determined to uncover the roots of my unease. Bit by bit, through persistent digging, the pieces slowly began to fall into place.
In June this year, I wrote about The Great Reset and hinted that I was exploring subjects that frightened me. That story leaned towards negativity, even bordering on doomsdayism. It spoke of humanity’s negative impact on the planet and how we, as a collective, have failed — especially over the past 2000 years. Looking back now, I see that these events should have at least been considered — even partially — as part of the reason for my existential search.
But at the time, I dismissed it as too obvious.
Then, I listened to Dr Brian McLaren narrate his latest book, Life After Doom: Wisdom and Courage for a World Falling Apart. He warned his readers from the outset: the book might upset them, potentially triggering depression or anxiety. After each chapter, he inserted “Check-ins” to help readers gauge how they were coping. He even encouraged putting the book down if it stirred any negative emotions.
But I was so captivated that I ignored these warnings. I kept reading, even sacrificing sleep to finish it.
I identify as a Christian, having been raised in the faith since birth and choosing it for myself as a young adult. I’ve remained a dedicated, open-minded follower of Jesus’s teachings and the Bible as it is today. Throughout my life, I’ve endured bullying and marginalisation because of my faith. I expected to be treated differently by those who haven’t experienced God as intimately as I have. My relationship with Him didn’t start at a specific moment I can recall — it’s been ongoing for as long as I can remember.
You could say Mister God and I are tight.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, many people turned to meditation and mindfulness to alleviate their anxiety. Spirituality saw a significant resurgence. Around the same time, my spiritual life became my sole focus. I cared little for the material world — status and possessions held no appeal. Accumulating “stuff” only seemed to create more tethers to this world. All I wanted was to leave behind a legacy worth remembering.
In this process of decluttering, I began to examine the legacy of Christianity over the past 2000 years. I had always struggled to reconcile the core teachings of Christianity with the image of a vengeful God who punished anyone for making mistakes. I thank my Mom, Dad, and older brother for teaching me that God is love. That’s the God I’ve worshipped, who’s walked alongside me through every challenge. He’s never made me feel scared of Him.
I believe in a Creator who made us in His image to care for the world and make it flourish. Although I was raised in the Dutch Reformed Church, my parents encouraged us to be curious and open-minded, even questioning the church itself. For example, we believed in evolution while also holding that God is the Creator of the Cosmos. As a family, we rejected the church’s stances on women, people of colour, and the LGBTQI+ community.
These unresolved issues have driven many away from the church, in their search for something that makes more sense.
All my life, I’ve struggled to convince others that Christianity is a good way of life. My children, their partners, my past partners, almost all my friends, and many of my colleagues don’t identify as religiously active. Some of my nieces and nephews and other family members hold spiritual views that don’t align with mainstream doctrines.
For many, just living a decent life — being “good” — and not harming others is enough. To them, attending religious gatherings feels like a waste of time. Spending time reading and learning to gain spiritual insight seems like too much effort. They believe you don’t need to identify with any specific faith. “The Universe” doles out gifts and suffering equally. Love and light.
For someone who believes that all of humanity must turn to God, love each other, and love themselves to experience heaven, it’s easy to see why I’ve been anxious. Heaven on Earth would mean each person is kind and generous to everyone they meet, showing love, compassion, and mercy to those in need. But how far away are we from that life?
So, I started to panic. I worried about the future and questioned the meaning of life. What’s the point if the world is so upside-down? I waded through doubts and fears, eventually coming face-to-face with the truth. While much in the world isn’t right, we’ve also made significant progress. If we look at just the past century, human advancement has alleviated many of the sufferings that were once commonplace. AI tools can quickly reveal countless ways life has improved, leaving no doubt that we’re on a positive trajectory.
In my Calvinistic upbringing, we were taught that joy and happiness were not for this world. What lay ahead was sadness, grief, and suffering. But when you read the Bible without the noise of past indoctrinations, you discover a loving, kind, and generous God. Jesus, who became flesh, came to show us how to live together as humans. His message is simple: love.
Just love.
We don’t have to wait for a good day. Life is not only about hardships and overcoming obstacles. How could that be the life God wanted for us on Earth? Life on Earth is NOT only about the hereafter but about the here and now, NOW! We are here to enjoy the blessings we’ve been given as caretakers of the world. Earth, with all its people, plants, and animals, is here to be loved and cherished. Being “made in His image” means we — each person on this planet — are reflections of God. And if God is love, then we, too, should be conduits of that love.
The meaning of life has never been clearer and more vivid than it is now. Darkness and gloom have been replaced with joy and happiness. Today, I live in awe of His love, greatness, mercy, and the many blessings He’s given me.
It is my prayer that you experience the same in your life.
Have a great weekend and please remember to be generous! 😄
As always, thanks for reading. 🙏
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